Heavily Broken

I get so tired of spending the entire day alone. I'm just waiting for the final day, that he admitts that he's not coming home. That the person I used to love is not the person that's here to stay. That the person I used to love, is a person that's faded away. I'm a little bemused really the way he talked about his dad. How he complains about not fighting and the time he never had. Well he has the time right now, to set the record straight. Though all the time is wasted as he's filled himself with hate. It wasn't easy for me as I comfort myself to sleep. Another day goes by and I'm forcing myself to eat. I'd never hurt my baby, I would never wish it sad. He wasn't the only one, who had gotten hurt by dear ole dad. In fact I'm still plagued with pain as he walks away from life. I'm scuffling to gain my ground, even though the situation isn't bright. I find strength within my mother, strong and self assured. I may not have placed back the pieces, but for hurt I found a cure. It only takes just one, to make the wrong a right. It only takes just one to walk away from the fight. Well that person is right here and the time to start is now. I can only hope one day my kid will say wow. Thank you, mom for being there when it wasn't easy. Thank you mom for staying home instead of leaving me. Thank you mom for loving in a time that was so depressed. Thank you mom for loving, with the heart that's in your chest.

To this I'll shine a smile and sweep there well toned brow. I'll whisper in their ear even softer now. Thank you for you saved me, showed me how to love. Thank you for you gave me a gift from all above. You showed me how to wake up, when my up was down. You gave me a reason to smile, when all I could do was frown. Thank you my baby, for the best part of living. Thank you my baby, for the greatest gift worth giving.

If I traded it all, gave it all away for... ONE THING

My partners name is Alex. I say partner for lack of a better word. We met 8 months ago and if I knew then what I know now, I could honestly say we might be in different places right now. Sometimes I think our relationship is a lot like my artwork. Often times I find myself throwing away an entire page due to one smudge. If I could illustrate my relationship that way, that one smudge would be weed and I'd feel a need to frame it as a reminder. I'm sure anyone reading this, could find loads of skepticism. Like. "surely you knew he was like that when you met him.", "don't like it leave.". However; both Alex and I came from a broken home and the hand-me-downs have to stop. Also for all you potheads and stoners alike reading this.  There is a fine line between something and one thing. When you say the word something, it's a word based in no value. Though one thing, entails that, that's all you'll ever need. There is a lot of things in Alex's life, but his one thing is weed. With a baby on the way and hopes, dreams and aspirations. I need me and my baby to be one thing. Which; if you ask Alex he would say I am one thing. Though to watch the two of us for one day, you'd find that I was really just a something. It makes me sad... It's hard to have half the devotion from someone who holds all of your own. Even in a passive to aggressive relationship. You need same desire from both parts. Not to be corny; however if you read a book, watch a movie, listen to a song. The one thing they all have in common is a desire. Two supers (meaning villain or hero) will fight over a common goal. Power, the reservations for it. Whatever, it may be this pattern is there. Otherwise, you end up with what I like to call the "blank". A void that's filled with nothingness and that is scary. The most horrifying truth, to fear, fear itself.

One Thing Lyrics 
by: Finger Eleven 


Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It’s nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something

I promise I might
Not walk on by
Maybe next time
But not this time

Even though I know
I don’t wanna know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something

Even though I know
I don’t wanna know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

Even though I know
I don’t wanna know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something
Wouldn't that be something